Early morning encounter with the intimacy of being

Apple blossom, Tent worms, presence as gift and responsibility

Rhapsody in blue

I woke one morning full of pent up energy, the urge to get outside insistent and overwhelming. Filling a flask with coffee I headed to a nearby preserve and walked down the track across the tombolo. Gulls wheeled and called in the early morning blue, blue sky. The lagoon was achingly still, the reflections of the rock and trees just perfect. A belted kingfisher trilled in joyous swoops before diving for his breakfast.

The wild flowers are in a riot of colour. A thrill for me to see new faces among familiar blooms. The maples are draped in such thick and lush new verdant green foliage, it makes me catch my breath. I follow the trail and sit a while up high looking towards Deception Pass, the narrow strait that connects Skagit Bay, part of Puget Sound with the Strait of Juan de Fuca. A bald eagle flies close by beyond the trees. How can it be I get to share this place with these impossibly majestic creatures?

Enchanted island

Tracing the path out to the point I find a spot on a huge driftwood log. My mind has been busy. It takes a while to settle and come into awareness of this place. But slowly slowly the thoughts recede and what is in front of me absorbs all my attention. Taking photographs draws me into the present.

Out across the water I make out two black shapes appearing and disappearing like sleek, shiny bowling balls. Sea otters perhaps? At one time these creatures almost disappeared from these parts but through the work of ocean restoration projects, they once again frolic in these chilly waters. Occasionally I’ve been dipping when they are nearby. I wonder what they make of this pale skinned interloper who has no fur or scales?

Bird song fills the air. In the background there is a faint drone. An aeroplane or traffic noise but it doesn’t bother me. This community accommodates creatures wild and domesticated (us humans), so I take all the noises as signs of life.

Apple blossom?

Blossom on a tree at the shore looks like apple blossom. The flowers are exquisite yet some are wrapped in intricately woven cobwebby webs. I notice them again on a type of willow and these are covered in tiny caterpillars. I stop to photograph them and idly wonder what they are and will become. Either algorithms can hear my thoughts or it’s just coincidence but I saw a post about them later.

Tent worms or tent caterpillars

They are known as Tent worms or Tent caterpillars. The general advice on a local community thread was to cut off the affected bough and burn the nests or leave them soaking in vinegar. The general sentiment was that they will destroy the trees and hang around another year, wreaking havoc.

Have you ever noticed how we tend to approach most things we don’t prefer with a slash and burn mentality?

It could be a feeling we try and argue with or suppress. A slight or criticism that has us avoiding someone or trash talking them, or a difference in another person that has us so uncomfortable we wish them harm.

I did a little research https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/plant-problems/pests/insects/tent-worms-control.htm on this lively flourishing worm/caterpillar and found a different story.

Yes they love cherry and apple trees but will also make a home in maple, oak and willow trees. They’re generally not too big a problem if the habitat is bird friendly and there are parasitic wasps which feed on them. Without predators they can do damage. Remind you of any particular species?

One being’s pest or predator is another being’s food or safety

I am seeing the interconnected web of life more and more deeply as I read Helen Scales’ book What the Wild Seas Can be which points towards the same message of Robin Wall Kimmerer’s The Serviceberry, though it is data heavy.

There are so many authors here on Substack who take a more holistic view of our world and they invite me to be gentle and curious with my judgements, assumptions and fears.

Am I wedded to my ideas or willing to hold them lightly and allow something fresh to emerge?

Sitting on the shore with the day warming up, I am alone on this island preserve. The Merlin Bird ID app tells me there were song sparrows and white-crowned sparrows in chorus this morning as well as spotted towhee and red breasted nuthatch. One of the sparrows was perched atop a coastal grass stalk, singing their heart out. I walk to the water’s edge and gaze at the clear clear water where seaweeds dance with the gentle lapping of the tide.

Between writing and texting a dear friend, it takes a while for me to come into stillness, to accept the invitation. When I do, I notice how my senses open wider and the natural world around me begins to fill me. The boundary between myself and this morning world begins to soften, shimmer and dissolve. Once this happens the writing and texting no longer feels important.

The notion of going into nature to calm ourselves down and de-stress has felt off to me for some years now.

Seeing nature as a place to relax and revitalise ourselves so we can return to busy minded or mindless auto-pilot misses the gift we are offered when we are pulled into quiet.

When we come into presence in nature or in our home or workplace, we get to feel the intimacy of life in and all around us. That quickening pulse of aliveness you can feel in your hands or feet if you pause and pay attention. The boundaries between self and other get a little fuzzy.

The gift of coming out of our heads into our hearts is not a hack to enable us to cope with being up in our abstract, conceptualising minds the rest of the time.

The gift of presence invites us to dwell there, as much as possible. In this place we experience life more directly, more fully - the heartache and the joy. We have more access to wisdom and common sense. We experience more of a sense of unity rather than the cold hostile feeling of separation.

And is it not our responsibility to nourish that sense of unity and let the illusion of separation and the harm it causes fall away?

From that place we begin to experience life as a gift and all we see, hear and experience as a gift. When we relate to our life and the lives of everything here on earth as a gift, it changes our relationships and our behaviour: we find we want to take care of ourselves, each other and all the beings that share this ineffable mystery we call life.

How could you harm something that is, at its most intimate, the same as you?

The gift of my early morning encounter stays with me through the day. Taking my cue from the birds, later that day, I pour my whole heart into music making with my ukulele ensemble. It is a joyous gathering that uplifts us all.

Questions

• How would it be to care less about your ideas, assumptions and opinions?

• What if the intimacy of being is yours to experience at any moment? A precious gift and a responsibility?

• What if we were willing to give up our busyness and self importance?

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Small Joys

• Sunlight filtered through trees

• Family - connecting and sharing experiences

• Reading spiritual books

• Today, Sunday (publication day) is American Mother’s Day. Shout out to my Mum, Pauline Fay - the matriarch of our family whose enjoyment of us all is unmatched 🧡.

Threads that pull me

Sangha - is a term I understand to mean a gathering of people with the shared intent of looking towards deeper dimensions of being. I am privileged to be able to join gatherings like this online and in person. I am curious to see what the future holds for this kind of exploration.
Nothing feels more nourishing to me than the love that is released when like minded souls gather together to drop out of their heads and into their hearts.

In the past I see I’ve sought highs or stimulation in all different ways: substances like caffeine and alcohol, from travel and adventure, from conflict, from body chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline and cortisol from scrolling, running fear or anxiety about the past or the future, being in low or high level states of dissatisfaction.

Have I been addicted to these stimulants? They share similar characteristics. A high and then a crash. What if we could be addicted to oxytocin - the love drug? That one seems to be sustainable, nourishing and self-renewing. Now there’s an idea. More of that please!

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I love to write outside once the weather is warm enough.

My Writing Life

I love to hear about writers’ lives. As many new subscribers are writers, I thought I’d share more of the behind the scenes of my writing life

Where do I write?

I love to move around so I write in various places: at a desk, curled in a chair, sitting on the floor at a low desk, standing at a counter, sometimes in bed (though laptop in bed is terrible for my back), outside, in libraries and coffee shops. I write on a laptop but also hand write in various notebooks and use the Notes app on my phone to capture ideas. What about you, where do you love to write?

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Small Joys

How I know ‘we’re not in Kansas anymore Toto’

A regular slot for things that catch my eye and tell me I’m no longer in Ferryside, West Wales, UK.

A banana slug I believe. I love bananas. It’s a bit more of a stretch for me to love these, but I could try.

That’s all folks. Thanks for checking in. Press the little ♥️ if this post lights you up. Share or restack the post to help me build my readership. Comment below to join the exploration.

‘Til next time.

Juliet Fay

Thank you to all readers who have commented messaged me and shared my posts and Notes, I love to hear from you. All photos are my own.

Find more of my writing elsewhere

A Life Less Serious: Real life stories from women to inspire, uplift and encourage new perspectives on living by George Halfin. My essay, The Gift of Travel closes the book. Buy UK. Buy US.

Hope - A Scrapbook by Catriona Knapman, author of Notes from Saving the World. My poem, Hope for the Family is included.